smokedout: And I know what he came here for ♪ (15 ♪ The devil is at my door)
Dodger // 3♥ ([personal profile] smokedout) wrote in [personal profile] hellshot 2017-11-05 01:17 pm (UTC)

helping yourself is a fucking oxymoron.

i've been trying to help myself this whole time and look where it got me. in the last seven months i went through three relationships, lost every friend i've made, lost the hobby i built in a fucking fire, almost lost my dog, and i've almost gotten myself killed a couple times. it's a record even for me.

i don't know how to get better. i don't even fucking know how to make people like me. fuck, i don't even know how to make myself happy. i keep... going after shit i think will help just to fucking ruin it because i've never had to fend for myself. i don't know how to make things work without just taking what i want.

you're smarter than me, though. you know how to... do shit. take care of yourself. take care of others. i respect you enough to keep trying to get your approval even after all the fucking mud you drag me through for it, right?

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