i lived my life up until this point on those words. figuring my life didn't mean anything but at least i could change the world. I trusted my boss to make a world that was better for everyone else.
i don't know if that was actually ever his plan. it's not my problem. he said he was changing the world and fixing it up, and that's all i needed. he gave me a point in living and getting up in the morning. i was willing to die just to help him reach immortality.
all i know now is that i only ever function right when i'm living for someone else. every time i get left to my own devices i start losing my fucking mind. but... being with tenshouin made me think maybe it wasn't about getting kicked around by someone, it was just. knowing there was someone that'd care if i died. even if me being dead was just inconvenient for them.
i know this whole time i've been trying to... force you to use me. and trust me, i knew it wouldn't work pretty early on, i just didn't know what else to do.
[There's a very long pause here, full of erasing and rewriting until he knows exactly what he wants to say.]
i've been infatuated from the moment i met you. but it's not just my sick mind making your rotten face seem attractive. you've got a stronger heart than me. you've gotten shut off from everything you ever had going for you but you just kept going while i was curled up feeling sorry for myself.
i can try holding back on flirting with you, if that's what it takes, but i want to be... friends. at least. i need someone to help me through this, and i lost eichi and cain... you're all i've got now.
no subject
[He's silent for a few minutes before replying.]
for a few to be immortal, many must die.
i lived my life up until this point on those words. figuring my life didn't mean anything but at least i could change the world. I trusted my boss to make a world that was better for everyone else.
i don't know if that was actually ever his plan. it's not my problem. he said he was changing the world and fixing it up, and that's all i needed. he gave me a point in living and getting up in the morning. i was willing to die just to help him reach immortality.
all i know now is that i only ever function right when i'm living for someone else. every time i get left to my own devices i start losing my fucking mind. but... being with tenshouin made me think maybe it wasn't about getting kicked around by someone, it was just. knowing there was someone that'd care if i died. even if me being dead was just inconvenient for them.
i know this whole time i've been trying to... force you to use me. and trust me, i knew it wouldn't work pretty early on, i just didn't know what else to do.
[There's a very long pause here, full of erasing and rewriting until he knows exactly what he wants to say.]
i've been infatuated from the moment i met you. but it's not just my sick mind making your rotten face seem attractive. you've got a stronger heart than me. you've gotten shut off from everything you ever had going for you but you just kept going while i was curled up feeling sorry for myself.
i can try holding back on flirting with you, if that's what it takes, but i want to be... friends. at least. i need someone to help me through this, and i lost eichi and cain... you're all i've got now.